Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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