The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
