im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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