one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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