Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
