If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
