we're blogging at a bar
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
