I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
