Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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