My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
