he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize