...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
