I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
foreskin is a definite game changer
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
