So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize