All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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