I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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