can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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