it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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