i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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