i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
