You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
