So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
