i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize