The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
