dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
