Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
