i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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