Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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