I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no you cant smoke seaweed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
