maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
