we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
