I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
