i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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