Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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