please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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