oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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