Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
