I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize