no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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