party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
