we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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