please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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