i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
