Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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