I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
now i know why i became what i already was.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
