I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
