just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
