walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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