i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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