I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
smell my finger.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
