i can't believe i had my finger in that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
