"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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