oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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