I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
