don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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