I can tuck mytits in my pants
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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