JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
