apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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