dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize