I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
