Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
