Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
