Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Shame is for Republicans.
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