strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
