I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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