I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
