forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
