If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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