If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
