I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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