At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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