Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
