I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am spending my child support on dildos
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
