No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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