Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
