Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
