She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
my poor anus
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
