Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
