Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
