They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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