mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
