Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
