great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
