dude i'm inner monologue high
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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