This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
