FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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