you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Two words: blizzard sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
