So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
