i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
