This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
