Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
