I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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