i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
