JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
