well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
