now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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