Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
