youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
