I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
