Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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