my sisters under your porch take her home
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize