So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
