He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
