I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Pooping to opera.
Randomize