RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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