Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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