Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
